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Inept Soccer Team Takes Fifty-Four (54) Shots And Scores Zero (0) Goals Inept Soccer Team Takes Fifty-Four (54) Shots And Scores Zero (0) Goals

Bolivian club Nacional Potosí hosted Venezuelan club Zulia last night in a Copa Sudamericana match, South America’s equivalent to the Europa League. Nacional had 79 percent possession of the ball and popped off a staggering 54 shots. Zulia took just six shots all night and completed just 47 percent of their passes.…

Dickhead Soccer Fans Wrench Player's Jersey From The Hands Of Sobbing Little Boy Dickhead Soccer Fans Wrench Player's Jersey From The Hands Of Sobbing Little Boy

A soccer-loving Brazilian tyke learned first-hand the true, asshole-y nature of the sport’s grown fans this weekend when, at the conclusion of a match between Atlético Mineiro and América, the boy was delighted to find himself in possession of Atlético youngster Alerrandro’s game-worn jersey only to have it cruelly…

Cristiano Ronaldo And Juventus Got Exactly What They Were Looking For Cristiano Ronaldo And Juventus Got Exactly What They Were Looking For

Cristiano Ronaldo’s decision to leave Real Madrid last summer was a bet on himself. It was a bet that for as unstoppable a force of nature he’d become, as perfectly complementary a supporting cast he’d found, and as much fame and adulation and trophies and awards he’d won at the most famous and successful club in…

The Premier League Top-Four Race Is Now Hotter Than Hell The Premier League Top-Four Race Is Now Hotter Than Hell

If the past couple years have been the Premier League’s Golden Age, thanks to the league’s development of top-to-bottom quality and a powerful Big Six, making it the one domestic league all soccer fans practically must follow, then this season might just be this Golden Age’s Golden Year. All season we’ve watched with…

Deadspin Up All Night: Doubt That You Could Hear Me Deadspin Up All Night: Doubt That You Could Hear Me

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Let’s go.

Nobody Benefits From Lionel Messi Returning To Argentina's National Team Nobody Benefits From Lionel Messi Returning To Argentina's National Team

After more than eight months away from the national team, during which time it wasn’t clear if he would play for his country ever again after yet another World Cup disappointment, Lionel Messi is officially back in the Argentina team. And that might not be good for anyone.

Manchester United Boot Fraudulent Clowns PSG From The Champions League Manchester United Boot Fraudulent Clowns PSG From The Champions League

Paris Saint-Germain, the most inept great team in Champions League play over the past handful of years, saw their dreams dashed in the competition once again as Manchester United orchestrated a shock comeback by winning today’s round of 16 second leg by a score of 3-1.

Ajax Poked Real Madrid In Eye, Socked Them In The Gut, And Tossed The Doubled-Over Body In A Wood Chipper Ajax Poked Real Madrid In Eye, Socked Them In The Gut, And Tossed The Doubled-Over Body In A Wood Chipper

Okay, so Ajax’s amazing, unbelievable, thrilling 4-1 (FOUR to ONE!!!) upset over Real Madrid today wasn’t quite as amazing and unbelievable and thrilling as Barcelona’s 6-1 (SIX to ONE!!!!!) comeback a couple years ago, but it still has to go down as one of most improbable, well-deserved resurrection acts in recent…

Real Madrid Starlet Vinícius Openly Sobs On Pitch After Being Forced Off With An Injury

Real Madrid’s teenaged boy wonder Vinícius had to come out of today’s home Champions League match against Ajax after injuring his leg. Likely due to a combination of the physical pain of the injury, the emotional pain of having to leave such a big game, and the psychic damage the complete and utter ass-kicking Ajax…

LeBron's A PR Guy Now LeBron's A PR Guy Now

If The Oprah Winfrey Show was television’s premier destination for celebrities, often in the aftermath of something qualifying as a public relations scandal, seeking to buff their public images by applying (while pretending to strip off) a few new layers of polish in collaboration with the willing assistance of the…

Mario Balotelli Does Thing, Then Posts Thing On Instagram Mario Balotelli Does Thing, Then Posts Thing On Instagram

Mario Balotelli is currently in the midst of one of the upswings of his notoriously yo-yoing career, which is good for all lovers of fun and hijinks. Yesterday, in just his sixth match with Marseille since fleeing there in January from the personal doghouse he’d been confined to at Nice (again, the yo-yoing), Balo…

Barcelona Beat Real Madrid At Their Own Game Barcelona Beat Real Madrid At Their Own Game

Over the past handful of years, Real Madrid have demonstrated what can only be described as a superpower for winning ugly. Specifically in knockout competitions, and specifically in the Champions League, time after time Madrid have labored for the greater part of 90 minutes against an opponent playing the game of…

This Beautiful But Needlessly Complicated Goal Is Sadio Mané In A Nutshell

Sadio Mané is the kind of player who tends to make easy things look unnecessarily difficult and impossible things look effortless. It’s hard to find a better encapsulation of this than the goal he scored today in Liverpool’s match against Watford:

Brendan Rodgers Is Back In The Premier League, And It's Almost Like He Never Left Brendan Rodgers Is Back In The Premier League, And It's Almost Like He Never Left

Brendan Rodgers lost his job at Liverpool after a couple disastrous months to start the 2015–16 season. Yesterday, the Northern Irish manager announced his return to the Premier League as the new manager of Leicester City. And while more than three years and a couple interim seasons of outrageous managerial success…

Deadspin Up All Night: Keep Your Silver Spoons Out My Soup Or See The Swordsman Deadspin Up All Night: Keep Your Silver Spoons Out My Soup Or See The Swordsman

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. And congrats to Prince Ali for his big night yesterday.

Real Madrid And Gareth Bale Can't Stand Each Other, But Can Still Find A Happy Ending Real Madrid And Gareth Bale Can't Stand Each Other, But Can Still Find A Happy Ending

That Gareth Bale scored the decisive goal in Real Madrid’s 2-1 victory over Levante Sunday mattered less than the fact that the perpetually gimpy and presently out-of-favor Welsh star played at all, and it’s less important even than his reaction to his match-winning penalty. Bale scored, as he often does when able and…

Goalkeeper's Boner Overshadowed By Striker's Even Bigger Boner

Libertad goalkeeper Martín Silva must’ve thought he was the biggest idiot on the pitch when his error served up an incredibly easy scoring opportunity for Atlético Nacional forward Omar Duarte in a Copa Libertadores match Thursday night. Luckily for Silva, Duarte one-upped the keeper with an even worse mistake by…

This Little Kid's Spinning Backheel Volley Goal Is Cooler Than Anything You've Ever Done In Your Life This Little Kid's Spinning Backheel Volley Goal Is Cooler Than Anything You've Ever Done In Your Life

I don’t think goals in Polish U11 futsal tournaments qualify for the Puskás Award, but if they did then this unreal dink from little Bartosz Kuśmierczyk would make for a hell of a contender:

Mamadou Sakho Is Crystal Palace's Dap Master

This video, in which Crystal Palace defender Mamadou Sakho walks around the team cafeteria casually rattling off a series of intricate and unique handshakes with eight different teammates, could only be improved if at the end manager Roy Hodgson walked up and the two pulled off the most complex one of all:

Players Like Sergio Ramos Are Why You Can Never Count Out Real Madrid Players Like Sergio Ramos Are Why You Can Never Count Out Real Madrid

Real Madrid were always going to struggle to cope with losing Cristiano Ronaldo last summer, and during the first half of a miserable season with only one notable bright spot, that challenge proved even tougher than most would’ve imagined. However, Real Madrid are still Real Madrid, winners of four of the last five…

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