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Rick Ankiel, Who Could And Then Couldn't, Might Rick Ankiel, Who Could And Then Couldn't, Might

We should begin with the important stuff. There is a league that plays at Louisville Slugger Stadium, in Louisville, over the course of a brief eight-team tournament held at the height of summer. It’s called the Bluegrass World Series, and seven of the teams in its field have rosters made up of collegiate players. The…

Cardinals Rookie's No-Hitter Broken Up By Fire Alarm, Joey Votto Cardinals Rookie's No-Hitter Broken Up By Fire Alarm, Joey Votto

For the second night in a row, a Cardinals debutante starter took a no-hitter into the seventh inning. But this time, the Cincinnati Reds’ ballpark was ready to shut that shit down. Following up on Daniel Poncedeleon’s wonderful seven innings of no-hit ball in his debut on Monday, Austin Gomber threw himself six…

Daniel Poncedeleon Hurls Seven No-Hit Innings In Big-League Debut Daniel Poncedeleon Hurls Seven No-Hit Innings In Big-League Debut

Daniel Poncedeleon made his big-league debut Monday night, 14 months after a comebacker hit him in the temple in a minor-league game and very nearly ended his career. And what a debut it was! Poncedeleon left the game after the seventh inning, having thrown 116 pitches without allowing a single hit. Just three…

Daniel Poncedeleon Will Make His Major League Debut 14 Months After A Horrifying Injury Daniel Poncedeleon Will Make His Major League Debut 14 Months After A Horrifying Injury

Cardinals pitcher Daniel Poncedeleon will be called up by St. Louis today and start tonight’s game against the Reds, making his big-league debut little more than a year after an injury suffered on the mound put his career—and maybe his life—in jeopardy. “Talk about a comeback story,” new Cards manager Mike Shildt said…

I Hereby Demand Several Large Jars Of Matt Carpenter's Secret Dinger Salsa I Hereby Demand Several Large Jars Of Matt Carpenter's Secret Dinger Salsa

Matt Carpenter’s current streak of just absurd production started on July 14, with a double and a home run in the middle game of a series against the Reds. He homered again the following night, this time in a win, to enter the All-Star break on a nice two-day run of slugging excellence.

Chaotic Cardinals Season Continues With Mid-Season Firing Of Manager Mike Matheny Chaotic Cardinals Season Continues With Mid-Season Firing Of Manager Mike Matheny

The St. Louis Cardinals axed manager Mike Matheny Saturday night, following an 8-2 loss to the Cincinnati Reds. The loss was their fourth in five games, and 10th in their last 15 games. The Cardinals are now 7.5 games back in the NL Central. The Cardinals announced Matheny’s firing via a team release late Saturday…

Billy Hamilton Cannot Possibly Be Human Billy Hamilton Cannot Possibly Be Human

Billy Hamilton’s season at the plate has improved significantly from its dismal start. Where he was producing an awful .517 OPS in early June, and considering dropping switch-hitting as a potential remedy, he is now producing a more recognizable .636, in line with what he’s generally done over the past four seasons.…

Extremely Cardinals Report: Mike Matheny Respects Bud Norris For Being A Relentless Dick To Teammate Jordan Hicks Extremely Cardinals Report: Mike Matheny Respects Bud Norris For Being A Relentless Dick To Teammate Jordan Hicks

The St. Louis Cardinals are plainly, self-evidently enduring a period of persistent, chronic dunderheadedness. Nothing makes that more plain than the fact that they’re publicly feuding with one of their own players, but that’s not been the only sign: Tommy Pham, who broke out last season with the Cardinals, in his…

I Can’t Get Enough Of The Shitass Cardinals Feuding With One
Of Their Own Players  I Can’t Get Enough Of The Shitass Cardinals Feuding With One Of Their Own Players 

The St. Louis Cardinals are currently a pedestrian 46-43 and 7.5 games behind Milwaukee in the NL Central. But this is Deadspin, and you didn’t come here to read about how the Cardinals are doing on the field on some random-ass July day. You came here to read about why the Cardinals are a bunch of fake, sucky…

Dexter Fowler Seems Miserable Playing For The Cardinals Dexter Fowler Seems Miserable Playing For The Cardinals

Since the start of Dexter Fowler’s second season with the Cardinals, he has hit poorly, lost playing time in right field to Harrison Bader and Jose Martinez, and been tossed under the bus by his team’s president of baseball operations. Playing in St. Louis sucks!

Noggin Bonked By Errant First Pitch

An unfortunate fellow was bonked in the head by an errant first pitch before Sunday’s Braves-Cardinals game. This is especially delightful because first of all he works for the dreaded St. Louis Cardinals and therefore deserves this abuse, but also this same lad was famously scratched up by the vile Rally Cat.

Marcell Ozuna Tried Way Too Hard To Catch This Fly Ball

The Brewers whupped the Cardinals tonight, and the Milwaukee scoring got rolling with a two-out, first-inning fly ball from Jesus Aguilar. It was high, and it was deep, but it wasn’t quite as gone as St. Louis left fielder Marcell Ozuna assumed it was. While Ozuna was trying out his best Spider-Man impression, the…

Adam Wainwright Is A Merciless Prank Artist Adam Wainwright Is A Merciless Prank Artist

Skip Schumaker spent the first eight of his 11 years in the majors playing for the St. Louis Cardinals, where he was teammates with, among others, career-Cardinal Adam Wainwright. Schumaker retired in 2016, after stints with the Dodgers and Reds, and is now the first base coach for the San Diego Padres.

Michael Wacha Blows Ninth Inning No-Hitter For The Second Time In His Career Michael Wacha Blows Ninth Inning No-Hitter For The Second Time In His Career

For the second time in his career, Cardinals pitcher Michael Wacha carried a no-hitter into the ninth inning of a major league baseball game, today at home against the Pirates. And for the second time in his career, a lousy softly-hit single spoiled his shot at history. Three outs away from the 11th no-hitter in…

Hey, Quick Pitches Sure Seem To Speed Up The Pace Of Play

In the top of the ninth inning of a lopsided Pirates victory over the vile St. Louis Cardinals Friday, Pirates reliever Kyle Crick quick-pitched Cardinals pinch hitter Harrison Bader on an 0-2 count, drawing a delightfully meager and pointless little swinging bunt from Bader:

Jordan Hicks Is A Flamethrowing Maniac Jordan Hicks Is A Flamethrowing Maniac

I guess we’d better get used to this: On Sunday, Cardinals reliever Jordan Hicks threw five pitches to the Phillies’ scorching-hot Odubel Herrera during a ninth inning at-bat. They were all sinkers, clocking in respectively at 104, 105, 104, 105 and 103 mph. They were the five fastest pitches of the season, eclipsing…

Shortstop Pedro Florimon Pitches Perfect Inning, Then Socks Mighty Dinger Shortstop Pedro Florimon Pitches Perfect Inning, Then Socks Mighty Dinger

The dreaded Cardinals chased Phillies ace Jake Arrieta after just three innings in Friday night’s gloomy, rain-delayed tilt in St. Louis. The score was then 4-0; by the time reliever Drew Hutchison finished the sixth inning it was 9-2; the game finally became a laugher when Yacksel Rios allowed another three runs in…

Yadier Molina Undergoes Surgery After Taking Fastball To The Dick And Balls Yadier Molina Undergoes Surgery After Taking Fastball To The Dick And Balls

On the list of worst-case scenarios for baseball catchers, this sequence has got to rank somewhere near the top: getting nailed in the junk by a deflected 102-mph fastball; requiring surgery for anything having to do with getting nailed in the junk by a deflected 102-mph fastball. But that appears to be the situation…

Yadier Molina's Day Gets Much Worse, Very Quickly

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Jordan Hicks Threw The Season's Two Fastest Pitches

Reliever Jordan Hicks, who plays for some crummy team, threw record-setting gas Tuesday night against White Sox shortstop Tim Anderson. Five of the six pitches in that plate appearance were above 101 mph, and the pitch at the top of this post came in at 102.0 mph, the fastest this season. Anderson couldn’t handle it,…

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